Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Stupid expats: Hate yourself too much to appreciate Taiwan girls

The two expat guys in question were called David and Swen – although we guessed there were plenty like them.
David and Swen were friends of John’s who he always met in the bar at around at 11:00. He would ideally like to go with us but we, like most expat foreigners in Taiwan, sat around in someone’s apartment drinking beer until one in the morning to save money. John worked 50 hours a week or more and, in his own words, didn’t want to sit around waiting for his evening to happen. It was arguable if he even needed to meet them as, as soon as the bar got crowded they would fan out, only passing another twenty minutes of conversation together all night. David to one side of the bar and Sven to the other, while John wandered around introducing himself to anyone who would talk to him. When pushed on the subject, he admitted that it wouldn’t make much difference to go alone, but it was that initial thirty minutes or so of knocking back Tequila, he didn’t want to do by himself. None of us liked Sven and David, but John explained they were disgusting Neanderthals and after working hard all week, behaving like a decent human being, it was good to talk to someone without a good bone in their bodies.
Sven and David were in the bar to pick up Taiwan girls three nights a week; rain or shine, sick or healthy, on their own or with friends, they had to be there to stop there lives falling apart. They had not evolved – This was Taipei, everyone had a Taiwanese girlfriend so you could talk to your friends for most of the time in the bar; there wasn’t such a hurry. Not them, they were to be found heads above the crowd, staring hungrily, agitated, consumed, like the desperate guys in the over-25 Nightclub back home, who hadn’t met a girl for months, and were beginning to question whether they ever would do again. They were so focused a 100 people could walk by and spit in their glass and they would never know, yet they picked up the night before, 3 days ago, 5 times this month and countless this year. Surely they must have proved to themselves that they were men by now…it seemed not.
“What’s up mate?” asked John suddenly finding himself next to Sven.
“It is a bit slow tonight.” And with the sheer horror of not picking up that night dawning on him, Sven set off back into the crowd, efforts redoubled.
Then John saw David. “How is it going?” asked John.
David and Sven were not assholes because they liked to pick up Asian girls; they were assholes because of the manner in which they did it.
David replied, “I can’t find a decent girl, man - these Taiwan girls are all sluts. I am going to have to leave soon…to somewhere with decent girls. I expected to be married by this age, but not here!”
That was the problem: David was absolutely sincere in his disillusionment and disappointment, and because of it, destined to lead an unhappy life: arriving a nerdy virgin with an ultra conservative upbringing, meant he had to fuck as many Taiwan girls as possible to try and prove his worth as a man; then recoil in disgust because the girl was prepared to sleep with him. Drawing large maps of his hypocrisy, with bright colors and 3-D shapes specially designed for kids, didn’t help.
“Look at that slag. I fucked her last week and now she is with another guy,” he continued.
“It is okay, I don’t think you were planning to marry her,” replied John.
“I decide when things are over.” As an expat David’s ego had also got out of hand: he had got the idea that getting Taiwan girls had something to do with his looks and personality.
“Hey, that guy is ugly. You are ugly. This is Taiwan.” retorted John.
Sven returned, “I got to go someone else. I don’t care if it takes all night.”
“Just get yourself a whore. Save your energy,” replied John.
“I’m not going to pay for it.” Sven would never see her again; she could be anyone and he didn’t care if she liked him or not.  However, it was different from prostitute for reasons only known to him.
John was glad to see middle-class liberal contradictions weren’t dead.
Sven wasn’t finished. “Man, I just don’t get these 3-hour Take-a-Break hotels,” he said. “I mean, my girlfriend is at work so I go to one with this thing I picked up and the woman behind the desk is looking at me like I am some sort of smuck. She doesn’t know it ain’t my girlfriend.”
“There you go - Shows why we all hate lawyers,” said John.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Eric and over compensation towards Taiwanese girls

Despite years of evidence to the contrary Eric still found it impossible not to overcompensate for Taiwanese girls’ poor status in their society – It is not that Taiwanese girls didn’t have lesser status, they did; it was rather the situation was more complicated than that: a lesser status didn’t mean they didn’t have an opinion or pride or desire to have your own way.
Still, no Taiwanese girl with Eric would be allowed to make a decision just to make her man happy. On this occasion, Eric was trying to arrange a vacation to southeast Asia with his new girlfriend Christina.  Christina understood that she could speak out with a foreigner – that was why she was with one after all; however, over the vacation she just had no idea.
“Where would you like to go? Thailand or Philippines” said Eric. 
“Why not California or New York?” replied Christine.
“We have discussed this,” replied Eric. Christine wasn’t sure what they had discussed – apparently some nonsense about getting to explore her part of the world when she had no interest.
“Then i am fine with anywhere,” replied Christine.
Eric stared at her for a short while. “Come on, you can tell me. It is okay, I am a foreigner. Would you like to go to Koh Samui?”
“Yes, anywhere you want,” she replied as she had no idea where it was.
“No, come on, I want you to say where you want to go. This is a joint effort you know.”
“I just know nothing about these places. You decide.” Eric was sure she was just as a Taiwan girl being nice and respectful.
“We could also go to Koh Samui in Thailand, or maybe the Philippines or Bali. What do you think?”
“Okay, what is the difference?” replied Christine reluctantly. I now have to decide my execution method, she thought
“Boracay has the best beaches but is the least developed; Koh Samui has better beaches, Bali better hotels.”
“Okay, then take me to Bali. I decide,” said Christine thinking it was quicker this way.
“Okay, so you prefer Bali and I prefer Koh Samui. I thought we were going to go cheap, and therefore it is better to go to Boracay and get a beach hut.”
“Okay…wherever you say…Boracay then!” She had lost him a long time ago and was getting annoyed they were still having the conversation.
“Wait a moment, we are discussing this together. Boracay is hard to get to and a little bit undeveloped. Koh Samui is a good compromise of the two!” Eric was talking to Christine and himself at the same time. 
“Why you bother to ask me when we are back to the original? You want me to make decisions and then you change. Don’t ask me again!”
“No, I wanted to discuss with you. That is the important thing.” Eric was sure he knew best where to go, he just wasn’t sure where that was. Like those bosses who call meetings to make it appear like it was someone else’s decision he needed to discuss it with Christine.
“You are now grateful for my input yes! Remind me: what was my input?” barked Christine.
They moved on to timing. “So when can you go?”
“Just give me a month and I can book it. What is a good time for you?” said Christine.
“Me the same! So give me a date.” He was not going to fall for that trick? He was sure if he gave her a date, she would agree with it just to follow him.
“Okay! July. First week,” she replied.
Next Eric opened the website “Ok, where to stay?”
Christine. “I decided the place, you decide the hotel.”
“You didn’t decide the place. We did together I was happy with your choice so help me choose a hotel,” said Eric. This was what he had suspected: she was being a Taiwan girl. He needed to get her more used to taking part in the decision making. He knew because he daily monitored his own actions for signs of male chauvinism, and was getting increasingly worried because he didn’t seem to be able to spot any acts of caveman like behavior. To train her, he knew he had to spoil her now, let her get used to making more decisions and then he could start to bring things back to a more equal balance later.
“Okay, this looks like a better hotel,” she replied wearily.
“Are you sure? You are not saying this because you think I want to stay there are you.” He was sure she had been trying to read his face. Actually, she was just confused.
“No, that hotel is the hotel I want to stay at,” she replied. Even though she didn’t care, after the destination discussion she was going to make a stand on this one, she wasn’t going to be messed around again.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay at this one.” Desire to let her have her own way was now causing decision grid-lock.
“If I can’t stay at this one, I’m not going.” For an instant he thought she was serious –which she was – but then concluded that these Taiwanese girls really were experts at hiding what they truly thought.
“Ok. Great. Then it is all decided,” said Eric. He gave a nod to himself that he had managed to negotiate the tricky problem of drawing out of her what she thought. Now, he just needed to get together the money for his half about a month earlier than he initially planned. Maybe, the hotel was a little out of his price range – but he would think of a way out of it.
“You know anyone who can get us a cheap flight?” asked Eric.
“A travel agent is a friend of mine and she will give me a good price.”
“What do you mean she is your friend? She actually gives you a special discount and you occasionally go out socially?”
“My family has bought a lot of tickets from her in the past.” It was the same old story – couching a business relationship in personal terms; the belief that cheaper tickets would come because she was a friend.
“So she is just someone in an agency who you have bought a lot of tickets from - like the other 4 million in Taipei. This woman has a lot of friends, I’m sure.”
“You get the fucking tickets! You ask me if I had a friend to get us a cheaper ticket, yes or no? I don’t want to help anymore.”
“I meant an…” He wanted to say ‘actual friend’, but realized it was much quicker just to apologize - “I’m sorry.”